My name is Jessica Warnick and I am the lead character in the novel Silver Moon by Jetta Stone. Does being in my mid-40′s classify me as being Middle-aged? I’m not sure though I know I’ve traveled some rough roads over those years. I have a piece-milled education record with about a year’s worth of college credits, credentialed realtor, and on the job training as a bookkeeper/accountant. I did what any sensible responsible woman would never do – I married a bad boy and my life has been hell ever since. Chalk that choice up to Youth and Naivety.
What is your problem in the story?
Well, over 20 years ago, I married a man that possessed the missing pieces of me. I was a goody two shoes who was scared of her shadow. Good boys seemed somewhat boring, too safe, too predictable, a mirror image of myself. Then, my path crossed up with Jake Warnick. He wasn’t a bad boy in the sense that he broke the law, etc. He was a rebel, with a testosterone fueled fearlessness that led him to engage in risky behaviors seemingly without consequence. Women like me are drawn to the excitement, thrills, and sense of danger that envelope the lives of these bad boys. Fortunately, most women wean themselves from the grips of this adventure on the wild side. I was not one of them. I married him. Now, I find myself, an empty shell of a woman. Beaten down by years of emotional deprivation and endless indiscretions, I’ve decided to make a big change in my life. I’m leaving this bad boy who has broken promise after promise to change his ways. I stayed in this heart break of a marriage for my children’s sake. I didn’t want them to have a broken home. Now they are grown up and out of the nest, and soon, if I catch a break, I will leave it too.
How do you see yourself?
I see myself as a strong woman. Some might perceive me as being weak because I stayed in a troubled relationship for so long. I think there is a flippant attitude about marriage these days. People leave at the drop of a hat without regard to the promises they made before God of “for better or worse”. I believe a couple should give everything they’ve got to make that promise binding, especially, when there are children in the home to think about. It’s their home too. I chose to endure the trials of my marriage in order to nurture my children. It was a very difficult choice – a weak woman might have left. I’m a person of principals and virtue – I stayed. If I had the chance to make that choice again, I would do the same thing. It was worth it for my children. They came out better for it.
Are you a Romantic?
Oh, wow, my mind and soul have been through an emotional wringer for years. I don’t think that I would recognize Romance if it tripped me. I guess I’d have to think about what Romance is: Caring, affectionate, thoughtful, generous, and, honest acts shown toward another person; those acts being spontaneous to one’s affections, not planned by forethought. True Romance has nothing to do with the typical sex baiting often referred to as Romance. True Romance comes from a caring heart. What makes Romance work is equality of response between the giver and recipient . Jake said that I lived with my head in a Fairytale with idealistic and unrealistic ideas about how people should live their lives. Yes, I wanted the Fairytale. Doesn’t every woman? Life has been a harsh teacher, so, I’ve gotten over the Fairytale by now, and as far as needing Romance in my life, at this stage, I don’t think that I do. All I need is a man that is real, that is trustworthy, and has my back.
How do your friends and enemies see you?
I believe my friends see me as being dedicated, dependable, and steadfast. I hope that my sense of compassion and gentleness of spirit show through my actions. As far as my enemies go, they probably see me as being stand-offish and self-righteous because I do not condone nor participate in what I consider the immoral behaviors that many of them seem to enjoy. Let me set the record straight here. I don’t see myself as superior to anyone. As a matter of fact, as maturity set in, I realized that I hadn’t been as much of a goody two shoes as I had thought. Although I did have my moral boundaries, I realize that “fear” also held me back. Who knows whether it was my conservative roots stifling my growth or the fear of life driving me toward someone who lived their life without a care in the world of consequence. Honestly, it was probably a good mix of both.
What are you afraid of and do you have any regrets?
I’m afraid of dying unhappy, unfulfilled, and unaccomplished. I don’t want to look back on my life and see emptiness and pain where personal accomplishment and happiness should have dwelled in my life. I don’t have to have a man in my life to have fulfillment. I just have to have the freedom and opportunities to nurture the goals I’ve set for myself. After all, happiness comes from within. You have to make yourself happy. I also regret the personality transformation that occurred in me fueled by living in such a bad relationship. As a protective measure, I withdrew from my family and friends. I withdrew from most internal emotions – I was in robot mode – operating predominately from motor functions only. I went into overdrive nurturing my children, but other than that, I shut everyone and everything else out. Dealing with Jake’s bad behavior siphoned every ounce of emotional energy out of me, there simply was nothing left.
What do you have planned for your future?
I’m making some big changes in my life, before it’s too late. I’m shaking the fear that has possessed most of my life and I’m stepping out into the unknown, without seeing what’s on the other side. I have been tightening the purse strings to save up some money to make my big move. Strangely, seemingly out of nowhere, this big business venture was dropped right in my lap! If successful, it would provide more than enough money to move forward with my life. Problem is, the business venture involves Jake too. I’ve lived with him this long, awhile longer to achieve my goals won’t be impossible to do. However, the business venture is so foreign to my personality, it will be difficult. Being the picture of femininity, I couldn’t foresee myself diving into the middle of the rough, tough, dangerous world of rodeo as a spousal co-owner and events timer, but here I am, usually perched on a stand high above the bull pens. It rocks and sways with their every movement, and the smell of urea and molded dusty hay is unconscionable. I’m also dealing with a co-owner who is a male chauvinist and hails Rodeo is no place for a woman. And, in his business is certainly no place for a woman, but here I am, right smack dab in his business and that is where I’m going to stay. It won’t be easy. I’m finding the Rodeo business to be a very hard life, and very dangerous. Brutal animals and brutal men are hard to deal with. I don’t know why I might have thought “change” would come easy. All four of us who ventured into this business were looking for “change”. None of us were prepared for the horrific changes that would blow in on those winds of change that would “forever” affect our lives in the most awful ways.
Did you think you would ever find Mr. Right?
I had been dealt such an emotional punch in the gut, I had no intentions of ever looking for love again. I didn’t trust my choices anyway. I was just looking for peace and serenity and fulfillment, that’s all I thought I needed. Then, during one of the worst times in my life, someone from my past, reached out to help me. Yes, it was one of those boring, too safe, too predictable young men that I had passed by. Little had I known what he would mature to become – a most powerful attorney. He had always secretly loved me even though I had left him eating my dust years ago. He would end up saving me from myself in more than one way.
Does your story end up with a predictable ending?
My story is anything but predictable all the way through the book. The people and situations that I encounter aren’t the usual ones you might expect for a town girl like myself. Wild men, wild animals, set ups, screw ups, broken promises, broken hearts, broken bones, just plain broke – then, things really get worse – loss of life, loss of freedom, it seems all hell has unleashed itself on my life. Things do take a turn around in the end, but it is not as predictable as one would think.
How can we find out more about you?
Please visit any bookstore and request “Silver Moon” by Jetta Stone, or, visit Amazon.com.
Click here for an interview with Jetta Stone, Author of “Silver Moon”